I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
