summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
