My first STD was from a foam party
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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