She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His nipple licking is glorious
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