I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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