If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
