This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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