After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
