Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
