i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He has the fingertips of a God
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
