i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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