her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
