When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
