Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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