i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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