i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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