Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
