last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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