I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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