OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
