Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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