why didn't you poke me back
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize