It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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