Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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