Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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