If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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