Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
