yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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