i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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