Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
