i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
