Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
