he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
