good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize