are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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