somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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