Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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