I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
