I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize