If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Let's paint friendship bongs
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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