Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have post one night stand depression
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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