This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
