You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
