How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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