i just wanna soil my oats bro
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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