In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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