My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
