Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
