It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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