it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize