I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
