atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
