Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
