I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
