he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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