I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize