i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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