Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize