Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
