Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
