True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
