Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
