I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
