Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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