I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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