I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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