She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
