Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
