Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
