ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
