so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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