it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
