now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
