It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
