ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so that wasnt chicken after all
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
