I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
