I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
two words: eviction party
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
