i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
