I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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