Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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