I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We are two peas in an std pod
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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