Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
