dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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