It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
