3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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