my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
