Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
