I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
