Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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