No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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