bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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