I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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