we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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