'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
