Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
