Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
