told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
