Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
