clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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