I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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