He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
