i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
