I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
