I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
