Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,

Fav 11 3558 1422
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(316): View more from Kansas

You love me.

(785): View more from Kansas

That's because, tragically, I adore whores.

Fav 29 8587 1927
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(618): View more from Illinois

you should give me head with plastic fangs in

Fav 59 2674 9130
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(917): View more from New York City

My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.

Fav 4 4308 1083
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(770): View more from Georgia

He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.

Fav 9 823 1233
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(613): View more from Ontario

Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad

(1-613): View more from Ontario

I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.

Fav 0 1122 689
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.

Fav 5 1111 548
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(504): View more from Louisiana

sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy

Fav 0 188 118
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(919): View more from North Carolina

How are you and the lady friend?

(336): View more from North Carolina

Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.

Fav 0 82 9
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