as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She's just so happy...and so naked.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
